


The Rubble and Our Sins

by winterwind



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014 verse, Endverse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 15:19:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterwind/pseuds/winterwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some nights, Dean stops in Cas’ cabin and Cas knows it's not for casual conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rubble and Our Sins

Some nights, Dean stops by Cas’ cabin. 

It’s always after the day is done, always when everyone is asleep. He always lingers in the doorway, staring at the floor, with a hesitance that Cas never sees in the light of day, until Cas says something like, “You gonna stand there all night?” or “How can I assist you, oh fearless leader of mine?” It snaps Dean out of his trance and he approaches the bed that Cas is usually lounging on, still tentative, until Cas grabs him and pulls him down. 

He knows why Dean’s here and it’s not for casual conversation. 

All the same, Cas is always the one to initiate the sex, because Dean is a stubborn bastard and will never actually admit why he’s there. So he pulls Dean down and kisses him roughly and Dean will come to life like he’s been struck by lighting, grabbing Cas’ face and kissing him back like it’s going to solve all his problems. Cas shoves at his jacket and yanks up his shirt, until finally they’re chest to chest and Cas lets himself indulge, wrapping his arms tightly around him, soaking up the warmth of his skin. Dean stiffens up and Cas swallows down self-hatred and takes off Dean’s pants.

Over the years, Cas has steadily declined from virtue to vice, so he’s already stretched and ready for when he straddles Dean and guides him inside. Every time he does, Dean looks up at him the way he used to before everything when to hell and lets out this small needy sound that Cas tucks away deep in his heart. He slides his hands up Cas’ body and holds Cas’ waist, guiding him as he fucks himself on Dean’s cock. 

It’s quiet, save for their breathing, and Cas can almost pretend that life is normal, that the virus doesn’t exist, that Sam had never said yes to Lucifer, that the world hadn’t destroyed the man Cas loved so dearly and turned him into the machine he always feared he was. It’s just Cas and Dean, Cas running his hands up Dean’s chest as he tilts his head back and moans and Dean holding onto him like he doesn’t want to let go.

Of course, it doesn’t last. Dean doesn’t let himself indulge in intimacy anymore. Cas can always tell when Dean’s walls are going to come crashing down, so he's mentally prepared for when Dean breaks the moment, flipping them so that Cas is on all fours. He gets rougher then, grabbing a fistful on Cas’ hair and thrusting into him hard and deep. 

It's cruel, really, the way Dean knows just where to aim so that Cas is shaking but hates when Cas makes too much noise. Afraid that the rest of the camp will know Cas is his dirty little secret, he assumes. So Cas bites hard into his forearm, hard enough to leave marks that take hours to fade, until he comes hard untouched, stars twinkling beneath his eyelids. Dean holds him upright, taking and taking and taking, until he comes with a moan still inside him. 

They collapse onto the bed together, Dean’s body half covering Cas’, and try to catch their breath as the post-sex haze hangs heavy over them. Cas closes his eyes and tries not to hope that Dean’ll be exhausted enough to fall asleep here next to him, that maybe tonight will be the night that Dean stays.

He doesn’t and Cas hates himself for wanting him to. After a few minutes, Dean rolls off of him and starts putting his clothes back on. Cas reaches over to his nightstand and lights up the joint he finds there, breathing it in as he watches Dean dress himself, his movements awkward and evasive.

Sometimes Cas is brave or stupid enough to reach out to Dean before he leaves, resting his hand softly on his back as he laces up his shoes. On those nights, Cas watches as Dean swallows thickly and glances back at him with regret, apologizes, sadness, and pain hidden under a veneer of apathy before he stands and leaves without a word.

And _fuck_ if Cas doesn’t hate himself. He knows it always ends like this, with anger and hurt and self-loathing, but the next time Dean shows up, he knows he’ll welcome him again with open arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this lovely comic: http://daggomus-prime.livejournal.com/32523.html (NSFW)


End file.
